But what about those difficult decisions? Those that require thought and appear, not matter how we twist and turn things, to never quite lead to what we want?
Something that you can’t seem to get yourself out of? Decisions that don’t come easy will be accompanied by critique and well-meant advice. Those you confide in, hoping to get another perspective, maybe even see another solution, or at least strengthen you in your believe that you are making the right decision, are the people you will try and fight for you, with you or you will end up fighting against. Justifying your decision when it is not to their satisfaction, when it goes against what they told you to do.
I
have always been a strong believer in going with my gut feeling. Following my
heart, going with what feels right. Rationality was something that always
played a role, but something that I was just as happy to abandon when it went
against what I could feel was right. Or what seemed right at the time. The resulting conflict with myself was never much fun but it means that I challenge myself and I like to think that it makes me stronger.
Regret
is not a word I like. It makes us bitter, live in the past, and stops us from
moving forward, from growing. You cannot undo the past, you cannot change it,
not matter how much you wish you could. There are so many things that I would
do differently, situations I wish I handled differently, and decisions I wish I
hadn’t made. But all those things have made me who I am today. They have made
me grow, be independent and have led me to the people who are part of my life.
My
life would be so different right now had I made different decisions. Had I not
gone to Australia I wouldn’t have made some amazing friend, I wouldn’t have
grown into the person I am today. Maybe I would still be in Germany, studying
at a German university rather than being in London, the city I have dreamed of
living in since I was 12. I wouldn’t know my wonderful, supportive army of
friends I have here now and I treasure so much.
I
have thought a lot about making choices lately because I may well be forced to
make one soon. Not just about what I want for breakfast or what I want to wear
to work but about something slightly more complicated than that. A choice where
I am not sure I like either outcome. According to my close friends there is only
one rational answer. That really, there is no choice to be made. Rather that is
a question of saying yes or no to rationality.
The more I think about it the more I am fighting with myself. My head against my heart. The battle will be long and hard. So far I am not sure who will win this one. It changes daily. Depending on the time of day, the mood I am in. All I know is that a decision will have to be made. No matter how much I don't want to have to make it. But I know that if I don't the universe will make it for me. And there is nothing worse than having to accept the choice the universe made for you. My life, my choices. *Hobson's Choice: the choice between taking what is offered and getting nothing at all.