The fading light makes it difficult to see. As my eyes adjust to the darkness I can make out trees in the distance; can hear birds singing, the wind rushing through the grass. It smells of fresh air, countryside, flowers and water. A few tender, careful steps forward and I can hear the stream rushing by. Trying to take it all in, figuring out where I am. And what I am doing here.
There
is a something new in the air, something familiar, definitely human. I can hear
steps. Strong, forward, walking towards me. Before I can see you, I can smell
that familiar sent of you and while a second ago I might have been scared I am
flooded by a sense of peace and calm. I know it is you who is coming towards me
though I find it difficult to believe it is not just a dream.
And
while your sent preceded you it isn’t long before I can see your shadow rushing
towards me. I close my eyes, opening them up again to make sure that it is
actually you. All of you, not just my imagination tricking me into thinking it
is you.
As
my eyelids open you are still walking towards me, getting bigger with every
step you take. It only takes a few seconds but it feels like hours before you
stand before me. An arms length away while I catch my breath and am trying to
comprehend that in this moment you are standing before me.
You
smell the way I remember, your presence making everything else fade into the
background. Though I could touch you just by reaching out to you I am frozen,
unsure of what to do. Another step, a smile I can only guess is lighting up
your face before that familiar voice whispers “Hello little one.”
All I am capable of in this moment is to reach out for your hand, intertwining my fingers in yours. You gently squeeze my hand as if you were trying to encourage a reaction. I bite my lip and I can feel your eyes resting on me before a quiet “I said hello, goose” comes my way.
“Hi”
I said quietly, not sure what else there is to say. A gentle tuck at my hand
that makes me shiver and before I know it you are pulling me close and hug me.
Bodies pushed against each other, fitting together like a puzzle piece. Like
nothing had changed.
You
run your fingers through my hair, your head leaning on mine, twisting a strand
like I often do when I am thinking. I can feel and hear your breath and yet my
heart is still beating in calm, regular beats. Nothing to fear, just calm.
Your
hand moves through my hair again, from my ear towards the back of my head,
slowly, persistently and strong. I can hear you whispering something to me,
something I can’t quite hear before I feel your lips on my forehead.
I
mumble a faint “I know”, it seems like the only reasonable thing to say to you
in this moment. But the minute the words leave my lips you take my head and
break my neck. I can feel the bones breaking apart, the short, intense pain making my consciousness fade rapidly.
Darkness.
Nothing.
And
then I wake up. Nervously taking a minute to realize it was only just a dream.
That it was merely your ghost that came to visit me in a dream once more. A
ghost that is starting to scare me, because all he seems to bring is pain and
despair.
The
moon shines brightly through my window. A full moon. The sky is lit with stars.
And all I want to do is run. Run and hide.
