The awkward truth about silence or why silence really can be golden

“Silence speaks where words cannot”

It all starts with a story. We were having a dinner party for a couple of close friends the other day. While I was making custard to go with the dessert (we had baked apples in case you were wondering) one of my friends comes into the kitchen to have a little private catch-up. After all we hadn’t seen each other in a couple of weeks and quite a few things had happened since then. She was catching me up about her new ‘boyfriend’ (she hates the word, or so she says) and was asking about how the boy and me were doing.

“Really good,” is pretty much all I have to report. I mention that I love how we can just be silent around each other and enjoy each other’s company without it being awkward. She looks at me and smiles. That kind of knowing friend smile. She tells me the story of Pavarotti’s daughter, who, when she told her father that she wanted to marry her long-term boyfriend got asked three questions by her father. One of them was “How are the silences?”

That got me thinking about how powerful silence can be. Use big pauses in a speech; it will be more likely to have greater impact. Give people the chance to really take in what you are trying to say. A vow of silence has been used in many political scenarios. We punish our friends and family with silence after an argument. Having someone you love not talk to you can be excruciating.

Silence is something that will make most people feel uncomfortable. In a world so loud that we sometimes cannot hear ourselves think, silence is something that causes anxiety to many people. It makes them twitch. The famous awkward silence. That moment when you realize how little you have to say to the person you are talking to. Or should I say meant to be talking to? When you arrive at the end of small talk and there is no way of courteously moving onto the next individual.

But what about the other kind of silences? The ones where you can enjoy a moment with someone. Where you can just appreciate that that particular person is around you? In some cases, the kind of silence that ‘speaks’ of how well you know each other, how much you trust each other: the kind of silence when no words are necessary to communicate with the person you are with.

My best friend is the best example for that kind of silence. Her and I can go for days of not really saying anything to each other. We just enjoy having the other one around. The comfort of knowing that if we wanted to we could talk about anything and everything. A look across the sofa to her will be enough to know that things are great. That blissful moment of silence and clarity about how lucky you are to have that kind of a person in your life.

A person you can be quiet around, share a silence with, is special. Particularly if this happens very naturally and early on in a friendship or even a relationship. How many people do you have in your life you feel completely comfortable being silence around? Truly, utterly comfortable? Be honest and really think about this. There is probably one or two. Maybe a few if you are really lucky.

Words are there to fill the silences that we perceive to be intolerable. We will it with talk about the weather, about our dog, work, anything that isn’t too personal to be shared with the entire world. Anything that we would happily share with the world on Twitter or in some cases even Facebook. Yet, silence in itself can be the most comforting form of communication of all.

Pictures:
Speech bubble: Blogging Pedagogy
Enjoy the silence: Bhavia's Blog