There are so many words I could use
to describe 2014: challenging, emotional, grounding, full of sorrow but also
happiness. Long story short, 2014 has been pretty life changing. There are
probably many more I could pull out of the bag but both my limited vocabulary
and time prevent me from spending too much further thought on this. I have lost
someone but have been fortunate enough to be able to learn the true extent of
friendship and gain a certain someone along the way.
This morning over breakfast my mum
told me about a family friend who had just suffered a nearly fatal ski accident,
fighting for his life in intensive care for 10 days, before just being moved to
a more local clinic yesterday. It made me think about how lucky I am to have my
family around me in these precious last days of the year. All of them bickering,
smiling and loving in our own crazy way. They might drive me up the wall 90% of
the time, but they are my family and I love them all.
Having someone close to my heart
affected by a devastating illness myself has probably been the most grounding
and challenging experience of my life. It has brought home the idea of my own
mortality and that of my family, and while I am aware of the fact that we all
die one die, it has forced me to reconsider and re-evaluate how I feel about
certain subjects such as organ donation, palliative care and even assisted
suicide.
Most importantly, it has forced me
to get prepared for the eventuality that one day I might too suffer from an
unexpected accident or illness. I have now got my grounds covered legally,
having passed on responsibility/guardianship over me to my younger brother, in
case I am unable to make decisions for myself anymore, both in personal and
medical realms. It is a big task but absolutely essential, if I want to make
sure that what I would like to happen to me actually happens.
It took me all year to realize but a
big lesson I learned this year is twofold: 1) Stop caring about what others
might think, embrace the weirdness; 2) Don’t bother with those who don’t really
bother with you. Both are pretty simple really, and you would have thought that
I knew and embraced both of those principles already, but, as it turns out, I
did neither. Because, you know what, both of them are hard; really hard. It
takes so much courage to not to care about what others think.
Since I was small I have always
marched to the sound of my own drum, not really bothered about what anyone
thought. I had big dreams of leaving Frankfurt, going out into the world,
making it a better place. Idealistic little me never dreamed of being criticized
and crucified for being myself. Then high school happened and being bullied for
being myself became my daily reality. I spend the next couple of years trying
to fit in somehow, yet never feeling as though I lived up to the part, no
matter how hard I tried.
Those experiences haunt me till
today and I am working hard at trying to care a little less each day what
others might think of me. Luckily I have three amazing people I love so much it
hurts sometimes as well as a councillor and a truckload of the most wonderful
friends helping me along the way. In 2015 I want to be able to c
Part of all of that is learning not
to bother with those who clearly don’t care very much about me. My breakup
early this year flooded my life with doubts, anger, and fear. It has taken me
months to stop being angry all the time and accept the fact that things worked
out for the best. Having him get in touch (unexpectedly) over Christmas and
having a short conversation with him, really brought it home that, while my
anger was justified, selfishness was all around us.
Slowly but surely I am realizing
that those people worth having in your life will fight to stay in your life if
they truly care. Some might profess that they care (oh so) much about you and
then walk away without so much of a blink of an eye. And others, who you might
not even have suspected of being willing to even stand up for battle, will
fight their little hearts out to stay where they want to be: in your life.
Those are the ones worth walking to the end of the earth for.
As much as 2014 has been filled with
difficult days, it has also been the year of the best birthday (after all). I
got to spend my actual birthday with my family at home in Frankfurt, stuffing
my face silly with the most delicious sushi and birthday cake. And I was lucky
enough to have someone take me to the “happiest place on earth” as a birthday
treat: Disneyland. Spending 4 days straight with one of your favourites is the
best birthday present anyone could have asked for, Mickey Mouse included or
not.
So here is to 2015, may it be better
than 2014 but for life to continue to teach me the valuable lessons it has this
year. I wish for the (simple yet hard) things: love, smiles, and happiness. I
wish for a puppy, time spend in the country, kindness, forgiveness, learning to
walk in heels (again), adventure, great food, enough sleep, cuddles, true
friendship and loyalty. Whatever it is you are looking to achieve in the New
Year, remember to love most and above all.
