*Warning: If you find blog posts about sex and related topics offensive
then please do not read on, because this is what this post is all about. Deal
with it*
We have all heard of OkCupid; some
of us might even be on it, whether we like to admit it or not. I will not judge
you if OkCupid is your choice of online dating device, or if you choose to
online date. As a matter of fact I find the idea of online dating rather
fascinating, as it is hard for me to imagine how it could work successfully. In
saying so, however, I have to admit that I have some friends who have met their
significant other online and they seem perfectly nice and normal.
Upon googleling the OkCupid
website I get told that in fact, OkCupid is “a free friendship, dating, and social
networking website that features member-created quizzes and multiple-choice
questions. The site supports multiple modes of communication, including instant
messages and emails. OkCupid was listed in Time magazine's 2007 Top
10 dating sites.” Is finding friends online a thing now? I have heard of the
fake Facebook friends and boyfriend/girlfriend services but never thought of
online dating websites as a way to make new friends.
Anyway, I am getting of topic. This
time around I am not so interested in extending my lovely circle of friends or
finding anything else on OkCupid for that matter but rather thought that their
newest Dating Research was an interesting piece of information. Released back
in April (I know, I know, ages ago in times of the internet!) under the title
of “10 charts about Sex”, this piece of research gold revealed some interesting
findings that made me think.
In an age where social media rules
and determines so much of our lives it is interesting to note that, according
to the OkCupid Research, Twitter might be killing your relationship. “Frequent
tweeters have shorter real-life relationships than everyone else, probably via
some bit.ly hack. Unfortunately, we have no way to tell who's dumping who here;
whether the twitterati are more annoying or just more flighty than everyone
else,” so the study. Have you ever dumped or been dumped by someone on Twitter?
Fortunately this has yet to happen to me (fingers crossed it won’t!) but I get
the feeling that this might be worse than text message. At least a text message
is personal and not as public humiliating as Twitter. Then again, on a more
personal note, seeing the words “xxxx is now single” pop up on your ex’s
Facebook has led to some equally embarrassing reactions.
However, and more interesting than
my personal relationship history, is the fact topic of masturbation when
addressed by OkCupid – sorry of you find the topic of masturbation disturbing;
you may stop reading here now and recommence after the next two paragraphs! The
research claims that due to the relationships shortened by Twitter, the number
of people who tweet every day is significantly more likely to have masturbated
today than those who abstain from Twitter. “If someone tweets every day, it's
2-to-1 that they're #ingthemselves just as often. Like the "shorter
relationships" thing, this is true across all age and gender groups,” it
says on their website. This one got me thinking: Are we really more likely to
masturbate if we are using twitter. Going by what I know about my friends (and
they might be special in that way) the two have nothing to do with one another.
But, and here comes the big but, apparently
it is not only Twitter that impacts on our self-pleasing habits but apparently
religion plays a role to. The research suggests that “more
Jewish OkCupid users say they’ve never masturbated than their atheist
counterparts.” Now this is a bit of a controversial one. Considering that
OkCupid is US-based these numbers might make more sense in that context. Then
again I might be completely wrong about that one. I currently live with a
Jewish girl and would think of her as being a very open-minded person in every
respect. Maybe this is one to discuss over a glass of wine and some cheese.
Another interesting part of the study looked at Women by body type and
their sex drive/self-confidence. Essentially a ‘curvy’ vs skinny showdown. I
have talked about body confidence before and am a strong believer that you
should embrace what you’ve been given. Obviously I do not endorse obesity but I
love my food and have no desire to be a size 6 anytime soon. The only way I
would achieve that would be to starve myself and last time I checked that was
neither healthy nor fun. Again, don’t get me wrong; I am in no way saying that
if you are naturally skinny that that is something bad. If anything, good for
you! My colourist Amy (yes, I have one of those make of that what you will!) is
a gorgeous 6 foot, size 6 model and I adore her – the fact that she can wear a
LBD with no bra to work actually makes me envious.
Anyway, the chart that illustrates the body type to sex
drive/self-confidence dichotomy is interactive and actually quite a lot of fun
to play with. You should give it a go! According to the research “a woman's
sexuality peaks in her twenties, holds more or less steady for twenty years,
and then falls to the floor. And while sex drive waxes and wanes,
self-confidence steadily grows.” Well isn’t that good news? As we overcome any
body hang-ups we might suffer from in our 20’s and 30’s our sex drive will
slowly wither and die. But is this really true? Or is this just the case in
this study because it is safe to assume that most OkCupid users will be under
the age of 60?
Interestingly enough I happen to read an article in the daily mail the
other day (we all have our vices! I am not ashamed to admit to my love for the
daily mail) which looked at 5 women and when they last time was they got lucky.
I mention this now because one of the women was 64 year-old, single grandmother
Diana. She writes:
“Yesterday morning, I slipped
into some gorgeous lingerie and my favourite pair of figure-flattering leather
trousers, ready for a lunch date with a lovely man nine years my junior. We met
on a dating site a month ago and have spent hours chatting on the phone between
our four previous dates. He arrived to take me to lunch bearing a beautiful
bouquet of spring flowers, and as the mutual attraction and conversation
gathered pace during our date, it felt natural to invite him back for coffee
afterwards. One thing led to another and we ended up making love for the first
time.”
Does that sound like the women the OkCupid research described? Maybe to the
extend where she is confident enough in herself that she will have, god forbid,
sex with him on the first date. Most of us don’t even kiss on the first date
and this rocking 64 year-old goes the whole way. As much as this might not be
my thing, I admire the fact that there are people out there who will follow
their instincts and go against convention despite their age.
The most interesting aspect of the research to me was the skinny vs. curvy
graph. As I mentioned above, I am quite content with myself. I spend enough
time in my teens whishing I was skinny and after losing quite a bit of weight
after a break-up last year and everyone telling me I looked pale and weak I
have come to the conclusion that there is no point in wanting something that is
not ever going to happen without making me miserable. Besides if someone
doesn’t like the way you and your body look then they are not worth your time;
if they like what they see (and of course lets not forget about that all
important personality aspect) and are happy to take your clothes of then they
probably don’t care whether you have a big bum (guilty) or cellulite or whatever
your body hang-up might be.
The study said that “It's particularly interesting to isolate skinny—a
deprecating way to say something generally considered positive (being thin)—and
curvy—an empowering way to say something generally considered negative (being
heavy). (…) Curvy women pass skinny ones in self-confidence at age 29 and never
look back. They also consistently have the highest sex drive among the groups.
Curvy, as a word, has the strongest sensual overtones of all our
self-descriptions. So we're getting a little insight into the real-world
implications of a label.” There you have it peeps, embrace the bums and boobs
cause by doing that you are embracing your “sensual overtones.”
If this has caught your interest, check out all the graphs of the piece of
research here and make up your own mind of the matter. There are some
interesting graphs about vegetarians and oral sex (makes you rethink having a
veggie girlfriends doesn’t it guys) and the height debate (if you’re taller,
then you’ve probably had more sexual partners than shorter people), which
should be no real surprise to anyone. Looking at a piece of research likes this
makes me wonder how reflective of the general UK population this is. I am not
sure that all of the findings comply to my personal life and to those of my
close friends. Then again we most certainly do not represent the entire UK
population accurately.
Further reading:
Images:
Graphs - OkCupid
All others - Stylist